When we booked the holiday one rainy day in Sheffield, we added a full days snorkeling tour round Caye Caulker. Nothing could have really prepared us for this adventure.

The previous evening we had, had to go to the snorkelling centres office to get fitted with flippers. They were very strict on using all the correct equipment, but it worried me a bit as I had never used flippers before.

We started our day with a local delicacy called fryjacks, Errolyns Home of Fryjacks was near to the hotel. Deep fried bits of loveliness – I thought they would be really greasy but they weren’t. Mine was refried beans and cheese, Pete had egg and cheese. A big vat of green salsa you could help yourself to ensured that I was happy.

It really set us up for the day! Heading towards the meeting point we had time to tickle the tummy of a puppy, who was chomping through some discarded banana bread.

Our captain for the day was Captain Shane, accompanied by Rookie, and someone else I couldn’t remember their name. As well as someone he called Keanu Reeves, with no sense of irony. We all sat on the top of the boat, it was our Duran Duran moment. Everyone from our travel group had decided to do the trip, so we had the boat to ourselves.

The first place we visited was an area where manatees hang out, it didn’t disappoint, we got to see one, but how close we got was safely managed, which I was happy that they did put in guidelines.

This isn’t my picture but this is what it looked like. It was just chilling on the sea floor. Belize is considered a manatee hotspot, which was lucky for us. Each time we went in the sea we had to put all the equipment on, then back on board someone would pour water over us to get rid of the saltiness. Then they would come round with pineapple and watermelon to take away the taste of the sea. It all seemed very luxurious.

Our next stop was to Shark Ray Alley, which sounds far more ominous than it was.

Someone from the group shared these photos with us, so not only did we see sharks but we also saw stingrays. It was a bit of a leap of faith to jump in and swim with the sharks but before we did go in Captain Shane explained that they don’t eat people. This was reassuring – they were nursing sharks. They are a protected species in Belize. Whilst they tend to be docile if approached too closely they can bite quite badly.

Our next stop was to Hol Chan (little channel in Mayan), a substantially sized marine reserve. There were reserve staff dotted around to make sure everyone was keeping to the rules.

We saw so many fish. Captain Shane would bib down under water and point out the various fish and their names. The only time I have ever seen fish like that is an aquarium – it was unbelievable that we were swimming alongside them.

We had one more stop and then everything went a bit crazy on the boat. Rum punch was cracked, one of the crew made the best salsa we have had so far, the others had shrimp cerviche. Moments earlier they had been so engaged and excited about the marine life, now they were chomping down it. Captain Shane at one point was pouring rum down people’s throats, we didn’t do that. Heading back at sunset, on top of a boat with reggae blasting out, having a few sips of rum punch. This was certainly the life!

Today we travelled to Caye Caulker. Caye Caulker is a few miles off the coast of Belize, an hour’s trip on a speedboat.

For the first time we didn’t use a private hire vehicle but went on a local bus for local people. We travelled 113 kilometres from San Ignacio to Belize City for about £4.40.

As we travelled from village to village people would get in and sell all manner of things, meat pies, mango slices with chill pepper etc.

Reggae music blared out throughout the trip. it seemed paradoxical that there would be Mennonites travelling on the bus to the accompaniment of lyrics that were mostly to do with sex, drugs and drinking in a variety of different orders.

Reaching Belize City we were greeted by 4 4×4’s lined up ready to take us across the city to the ferry port. It was all so quick that there seemed to be some level of subterfuge going on. Ours had a smashed windscreen that spread across the entire car, the driver assured us he was the best driver in the city.

We couldn’t get on the first ferry and had to wait for the 1,30pm sailing.

The group just hung around the travel terminal but as we had quite a bit of time to wait we ventured a bit further afield.

We found ourselves at the local library which had displays about the history of slavery as well as one about hurricane preparedness. We are currently in hurricane season, it starts early June and goes on until November. There are roughly between 6/7 hurricanes each year, the most severe one being hurricane Lisa last November.

The area around the ferry terminal was what could only be described as a bit dodgy. Lots of people slumped on the floor comatose. Luckily we were able to get on the next ferry, or rather high speed boat to Caye Caulker. Lasting roughly an hour it was really rammed, did manage to see a turtle bobbing in the sea.

Reaching Caye Caulker was definitely a sensory explosion, we have never been anywhere like this in our lives. So tropical and colourful. Signs saying to go slow and take it easy.

The hotel was nearby. Quite a grotty place. Enjoy Hotel, a bit of a misnomer. Chinese ownership, which is true of alot of businesses in Belize. In the mid nineteenth century many Chinese came over to Belize as indentured servants. In 1986 something called the citizenship by investment was devised and many more Chinese citizens took up the chance of coming here. Often as a stepping stone to elsewhere.

It is one of those hotels with senseless notices, how could we possibly dismantle the TV or the sink. The sink is huge!

I am sure that if we left with this we wouldn’t get very far!

The local school has linked in with the holiday company, they restore bikes, take visitors on bike rides round the islands as well as taking them to their school and teaching them Creole.

I had wanted to do this but as we got a later than anticipated ferry it meant there was an incredibly quick turnaround. As tempting as it was I decided to have a complete rest, taking note of the signs around the island, I was definitely going to ‘go slow’.

Pete had a great time, as I did doing nothing!

Pete did really well with the Creole lessons, years of listening to reggae paid off.

Everyone said the young people were amazing.

The flat things are stingrays – there is a wealth of sea life really close to the beaches. Areas are cordoned off for seahorse preservation etc.

I had a walk round the island with Pete before we met the others for dinner. I was utterly blown away by the more I saw of the place.

When we met everyone I did have a cocktail as it did seem to be the thing to do here!

Not a desperately early start today, which was very appreciated. It enabled us to go to the nearby French bakery for pastries and coffee.

It was so tasty. Having started slimming world I had hoped that I could stick to some type of Central American version, but it is incredibly hard. I am hoping that the all the activity will offset it. It’s not that I am wolfing down all things calorific, it’s just the choice is limited.

On the way we stopped for a photo opportunity. There are many of these staircases to nowhere dotted around.

Meeting the others later by the hotel pool, waiting for our bus. It’s the first time I have ever seen a sign not to smoke weed by the pool, I had to do a double take.

We met our tour guide Lewis, who is lovely with a definite Caribbean twang. He called us all ‘brother’ or ‘sister’. He knew Sheffield as he had worked alongside his uncle in a kitchen carpentry business between Manchester and Oldham. He lasted two years, stating it was hard to leave behind Belize. His mother is English, which is not uncommon in Belize as it was once part of the Commonwealth and was once called British Honduras.

During the Great Depression the UK acted abominably, the mahogany and gum sales plummeted, they saw a chance to impose a stricter stranglehold on the colony. The independence movement began at this time and developed momentum in the ensuing years. There was a stop/start approach that began in the late 1960s to allow independence. Finally Belize were granted independence on the 21st September 1981. One of the sticking points was that as a colony it was still dependent on the ‘mother country’ for supplies.

As a result there needed to be some creativity, Mennonites were invited to Belize to cultivate crops, which they did and do successfully. There are around 12,000 of them now living in Belize. Lewis explained that there was a broad church within the Mennonite community, from the most devout who are not involved in ‘worldly’ practices, to ones who smoke, smoke weed, drink whiskey and are very money orientated.

Belize still has a very young looking Queen Elizabeth on their money.

They will soon be getting rid of any royal family on their money in a few months. Replacing her with notable politicians from Belize. Belize is one of the countries which wants reparations for the deep wounds that were caused by slavery.

Our first stop of the day was another Mayan archeological park, much smaller than Tikal but nevertheless very impressive in its own right. We travelled towards the Xunantunich Mayan ruins, disembarking by the Mopan river to be ferried across by an ancient hand cranked pulley. An American family who had joined us were worried about crocodiles, Lewis was quite stoical as he stated that humans have a way of eradicating nature so it wouldn’t be an issue.

The site was impressive and Lewis provided lots of information about the place and the outlaying area.

He told us about the Mayan belief systems. They viewed all of nature as sacred. Priests were extremely powerful and made decisions as to when corn could be planted, who could be sacrificed and when you could marry. They believed that the earth was flat and above it were 13 layers of heaven. Below was the underworld with 9 layers. It all sounded very complicated. I have started reading about it all as it is fascinating but hard to digest in the searing heat.

The Mayans were small as I have mentioned before, but the steps they built were huge. My little legs struggled to climb them as they are so deep.

After having spent quite a bit of time here we headed off to an area renowned for its underwater caves. It was a long drive, I slept most of it. As it was a long day we were provided with food, picnic tables were assembled and tablecloths and assorted paraphernalia put on them, and food, lots of food.

As Lewis and the driver set it all up Pete and I sat on an adjacent picnic table. Some workers sat opposite us, I didn’t notice them get up and leave but by that point it was too late. Pete and I had fallen down and the table had completely upended. It was a day of further embarrassments. My bruise on my leg is a very impressive reminder.

We are the only veggies in the group. Lewis made a point that there were two specific dishes for us and placed them next to us. That didn’t stop everyone having it, until the American man lumbered over and complained that there were only two pieces of fried plantain, pointedly staring at us. I gave him short shrift. We were also given rum punch, an odd precursor before going cave tubing.

In Belize there are underwater caves which you can travel through on inflatable rings. No idea who came up with that concept!

As you can see the ring isn’t far off my size. This had to be lugged through the forest across three rivers. I did the obligatory falling over twice in the river. It was quite heavy and definitely unwieldy.

It really was a long walk but I knew it would be worth it so pressed ahead.

Nearly there! Not the most glamorous of get ups. The hard hat was also quite heavy. This was near the entrance to the cave.

Having a cool off was brilliant and much needed. The water looked calm but had quite an undercurrent.

Typically very difficult to get into the tubes. I think everyone was as inelegant as me. They were all attached together and then we floated through a series of cave networks. Bats flew above us and it all felt very mystical. Lewis explained that these caves held alot of significance for the Mayans. It represented the underworld, but also the tree roots poking through showed it’s links with heaven.

It was a really beautiful experience and so calming. I thought it had just been me feeling soporific but pretty much everyone else had had a similar experience. It lasted all together about 45 minutes underground. What a day!

A first! We didn’t have to leave Flores until 10.30am, a luxury. So time could be taken to slowly get ready.

Leaving Guatemala towards Belize, which would be our be our ‘home’ for the next 5 days. The distance to travel was relatively short, which again was good.

An increased military presence on the borders, as Guatemala believes Belize to belong to them. Negotiations are still afoot to try to stop the skirmishes developing into anything bigger.

At the border we had to disembark the bus and walk to the Belizean customs. Men with moneybags assailed us as soon as we set foot on the ground, ready to exchange money with us.

As I was walking through customs I began to feel more and more peculiar. I felt like I was weaving towards the exit, things were becoming double. I managed to get to the bathroom. I steadied myself on the wall, as everything seemed to go black and I found myself slumped on a dirty Belizean bathroom floor. Coming to, I saw Angelica, a fellow traveller from Austria, offering help. Of course, I said I was fine. It’s perfectly normal to be lying on a Beliezian bathroom floor.

When I eventually got up my stomach literally exploded. I don’t quite know why I felt so ill, possibly dehydration or not washing the rambutan fruit as thoroughly as I should have done. Ghee sagely said he thought it was because I was carrying my rucksack wrong, which I guess explains why he is a tour guide and not a doctor.

Travelling through Belize it was apparent that economically this country is doing far better. Roads properly built, houses too. Passing an enormous mansion we were told locally it is known as the shit house, belonging to the sole owner of Belize toilet paper distribution. It was explained that in Belize monopolies are common practice.

We reached our destination of San Ignacio within 30 minutes of leaving the border.

Getting to the hotel, Midas Touch I promptly went to bed and slept for five hours. It must have been what I wanted as I started to feel a lot brighter.

The hotel is very colourful with bright and some cases garish artworks.

I had a lovely swim in the hotel pool which also helped.

Sunday in San Ignacio is extremely lively in many ways. On visiting the bar next to the hotel we found out to our excitement that bingo was being played.

The games were run by the Rotary club and between each game (of which there were many), the caller went through what the money helped to pay for, putting girls through university etc.

After a few games and a firm losing streak we met up with our fellow travellers at the sports bar next door for the karaoke.

It was hilarious. As we arrive a women was crucifying a song so I felt confident that whatever I did would either be on the same level but not worse.

I opted to sing I will survive. Adrenalin rushing through me I went into autopilot singing the words. I couldn’t tell if it had gone well or not. There was a lot of whooping and clapping, but I won’t be changing my day job.

Emboldened Pete got up and sang Paranoid by Black Sabbath, even and libbing with a flourish of air guitar. He was great!

An early start to visit Tikal stopping off along the way for breakfast. No suprise as to what breakfast consisted of. Although I don’t think I could get bored of refried beans.

We were so excited about visiting Tikal as it very much is the jewel in the crown of Mayan culture in Guatemala. It is the largest Mayan archeological site with 3000 structures.

We had a fantastic guide called Miguel, who had worked on the site for 41 years. Possibly nearing retirement he had brought his daughter along to learn the ropes. And what ropes to learn! He was an absolute font of knowledge. As well as a wealth of archeological finds, it also has a wealth of wildlife, including jaguars. In fact a jaguar had been spotted by one of the templesat six that morning.

The settlement abruptly ended in 900 AD – there is no evidence as to why this happened but it could be linked to their water sources being poisoned by metals.

Only around 5% of the site has been excavated. You could see where other pyramids were located as every so often there were triangles of vegetation. Basically the reason for excavating more is not only linked to money but also the fact the buildings would become more exposed and liable to collapse.

Miguel told us that the Mayans carried the stones, as although they were short of stature they were strong. A diet of corn and beans rich in calcium helped them. But if that’s the case it is phenomenal.

The national tree of Guatemala is the Ceiba. The seeds were underfoot on all the tracks around the site. Treading on them emitted a strong smell of garlic which was disconcerting. A bit like garlic bread.

Miguel would pick off seeds from here and there explaining their history. It seems that the rainforest had a wealth of practical applications which were then capitalized by incomers from the USA. One such things was allspice, a lovely aromatic smell, which became Allspice. The boat on the front of the bottles depicting the colonial past.

Another product was Wrigley’s chewing gum. William Wrigley profited from chicle – the gum which indigenous people used.

We climbed to the top of one of the pyramids, no mean feat in the humid heat but the view we saw once we were at the top made up for any lack of oxygen.

Miguel told us all about how the higher social classes would distinguish themselves from the riff raff. They would strap babies heads between wooden boards and this would permanently elongate them. This wasn’t just something the Mayans did, it’s a practice recorded across the globe, but why it started in the first place is baffling.

For higher class babies they would train their eyes to become cross eyed. This would be achieved by placing jade or resin between the eyes. It was done in the belief that the Sun God favoured those with cross eyes. Pointed teeth were also considered desirous, often adored by jewels.

I wasn’t feeling great and that was a shame as I had intended to go zip wiring with Pete. In the event Pete had to go alone with some others on the trip, a series of 10 zips high up in the forest canopy.

We didn’t see jaguars which was a shame, but it did mean we left in tact. We heard the howler monkeys, the sounds they made were deafening. At a 140 decibels at their loudest it was more than ear splittingly loud.

I loved these coatimundi’s!

Returning to Flores I started to feel more and more queasy. After a lie down when we got back a dip in the hotel pool reinvigorated me slightly.

I wasn’t convinced that the water was ok in the hotel but Pete with his finest Duolingo skills was able to translate a notice, which outlined the fact that the water was high in minerals and good for a wide array of ailments. Just what I needed!

I felt better and was able to soak in the atmosphere of the town.

Stopping for a drink at a place called Cool Beans.

And a bite to eat…..

We decided not to eat with everyone in the evening and met them later at a roof bar overlooking the lake. We decided to stroll over the causeway to the supermarket.

As soon as it was dark the music thumped louder and more people congregated on the waters edge. A steady stream of 4×4’s passing us, music blaring, windows open, mean looking dudes! Up and down, up and down they would go.

Time limited I couldn’t shower after submerging myself in the sulphuric waters of Rio Dulce. It would not be the first time I had shared my sulphurous odours with my fellow passengers. Next stop would be Flores. The landscape along the way changed significantly, the closer we edged towards Flores the more affluent it seemed. This was highlighted by the lessening of hand painted signs outside shops to slicker signage. Billboards started appearing, advertising 4×4’s and other luxury goods. Malls were passed, Macdonald’s, Burger King and Taco Bell signs, massive and flashing.

A short causeway led us to the island of Flores that sits on Lake Peten. A small, bustling, colourful slice of Guatemala. Arriving at our lakeside hotel we were ecstatic to find we had a balcony room overlooking the lake.

On the way to the restaurant that night we stopped at the main square to watch a women’s basketball game, they were truly kick ass!

Los Amigos Hostel, which also boasts a restaurant was certainly aimed at a hip, young clientele, so we fitted in perfectly.

Vegetarian/vegan food is hard to source in Guatemala so this place was great as it had lots of options. I keep forgetting that these places are focused on Americans, so portion size is huge.

The food took ages so we played games – I lost.

When the food did eventually come it was far too much and this is what I ate. The rest went into a box, promptly turned into a glutinous mush. Then deposited in the bin in the hotel room.

We are getting to know our fellow travellers a bit better. Lewis from Liverpool runs three restaurants and is also a competitive eater. He polished off 30 chicken legs whilst simultaneously making a sculpture of the bones.

All the cool dudes!

i spent quite a bit of time pondering if crocodiles can jump. I did raise this question last night with fellow traveller, only to be met with incredulity. Brooded overnight about it and googled, you should try it, there is stacks in googledom about jumping crocodiles.

This is what it says:Crocodiles can jump while they’re still. They leap from the ground just like a human would. A crocodile’s jump is also more like a forward lunge than a true jump. Despite the fact that it may appear as though a crocodile is leaping up onto land, it actually more closely resembles a horizontal spring. Home goal to me!

This image proves it! I still can’t see what was stopping it making a lunge for us.

Armed guards patrol this area at night. Probably the day time too but less conspicuously. There are 30000 police in Guatemala and 150000 private armed guards. You can hire them quite cheaply. Guatemala does have a different vibe to Costa Rica, here there are 15 murders a day, which is a lot for a relatively small country.

I don’t feel uneasy but there is definitely an undercurrent that wasn’t there in Costa Rica. The people are certainly not happy go lucky, they are lovely but more reserved, which is no wonder given the entrenched poverty and ever present fear of violence. Perhaps that sense of disquiet is pervasive. 25% of the population will have suffered or do suffer mental health issues, only 1% of government budget is spent to support people. There are issues around the stigma associated with mental health and with alarming rates of illiteracy there is no wonder that there is still a belief in possession and evil spirits!

Last night we popped to a supermarket and saw this notice.

Certainly very different from the notices I see in Tesco’s. Not certain how they can enforce not taking your gun out whilst shopping, as the actually laws around gun ownership is pretty vague and has more holes than a colander.

Today we are doing a round trip to Livingston, it is only accessible by boat and is on the Caribbean coast, roughly 20 miles. A truly unique place which brings together the Maya population as well as Garifunas, descendants from the Arawak Indians and former Africa slaves, brought to the Americas. An interesting and vibrant explosion of colours, flavours, etc.

We are travelling downstream along the Rio Dulce, or ‘sweet river’ – where we will take two hours stopping off at various parts and have opportunities to see the wildlife.

We went under the longest bridge in Guatemala, the puente de Rio Dulce. Not desperately long, just 830 metres.

Yesterday Pete walked up the hill near to the hacienda, he saw a few scuttling iguanas and an egret.

We could see this landmark from the boat.

Ghee is quite good with somethings but really incredibly sketchy about other things. He will point out utterly useless things, like a hostel that’s got really great nightlife but being vague about the flora and fauna. He does make up for it with enthusiasm…..just about.

He wasn’t a hundred percent certain about this building but could reel off the best party locations in Rio Dulce, which coincidentally we will never visit again. Not because we don’t like the place, it’s just not likely.

Being on the boat was fantastic and extremely cooling.

We passed buildings, birds and flora. Some dilapidated others looking like mini palaces, a hang out for the rich of Guatemala, mostly politicians.

We stopped by what is known as the water lily village near Aguas Valientes. Apparently quite rare in Guatemala, apart from this region. Ghee said the pink ones are due to faeces in the water. He couldn’t really substantiate this, so another ‘fact’.

We stopped at a restaurant which was nestled by the side of the river. Totally isolated. We would return for dinner later and for a dip in a thermal pool nearby.

Again the ubiquitous notices, no guns etc. I am not certain if it is laid out in order of priority or not, the question still remains, how would you challenge them!

After a refreshing drink it was full steam ahead to Livingston. Immediately the vibrancy and ‘otherness’ hit us, although having never been to the Caribbean it made me feel as though mi had landed on a tropical island. Passing a group of pelicans nonchalantly perched on a delapidated boat and bobbing boats by the dozen.

Our first destination was the Garifuna Cultural Centre, to find out more about these people and their culture. Stories abound as to how the Garifuna ended up on the edge of Guatemala. The one theory that seems to have gathered the most credence is that they originate from slaves which were shipwrecked on St Vincent’s in the Caribbean. They were subsequently booted off the island by the British. As a result they travelled up and down the Central American coast, settling in Guatemala, Belize and Honduras.

Although a relatively small place it was decided that we would need transporting to the place. There are 17 of us travelling together so this is no mean feat.

Our carriage awaited!

I don’t think I have laughed as much for a long time, what a sight for the locals! A Hodge podge of people crammed into the back of a truck, with me at the front frantically waving to all and sundry. Passing fruit stands, fried chicken stalls and avoiding overhanging branches. Seeing avocado, mango and other fruit I couldn’t make out growing alongside the roadway added to the sense of being somewhere very tropical.

The place was closed, so after a few calls Ghee organised a dance class at someone’s house, the day was becoming more and more surreal.

Jumping off the back of the truck we trooped single file behind this building. There was a flurry of activity, the woman rushing off to get changed into suitable attire, her mother quickly pulling the knickers on the washing line,. The children laughing and poking their heads out of doorways, the neighbours seemingly transfixed by the strangeness of all.

Different dances and songs were used for different parts of the Garifuna’s lives, celebrations, working etc. Following the dances it was our turn, which involved a great of hip gyration. A drumming circle of three men was assembled and they proceeded to play punta music. A music that is firmly linked to the struggles the Garifuna have experienced over the centuries.

A group of woman of various ages and sizes all attempting to do something the woman had achieved with seamless fluidity. I was like the proverbial sack of spuds! Then it was the men’s turn, which was side-splittingly hilarious.

Not certain what they are doing here, looks like head, shoulders, knees and toes!

Rammed in like sardines we headed back to the town, passing local cemetery. It was quite difficult to take photos and cling on for dear life! Including a photo of a typical Guatemalan cemetery – famous for their vibrancy.

The friends and family of the deceased get together and paint the tombs in their favourite colour. On All Saints Day on the first of November, the family of the deceased will put on colourful clothes, head to the cemetery to clean and touch up the paintwork. At this time it is not unusual for you to also see colourful kites floating above the tombs, emblazoned with messages, which they believe will reach the dead.

There wasn’t a great deal of time left in Livingston, but enough time to take snaps of the bustling community.

Livingston is supposed to typify the ‘real Guatemala’, a bit rough round the edges but a far cry from places like Antigua.

We passed a community washing area.

This communal wash area is predominantly used for ‘special’ but not necessarily exclusively. If someone dies in their house,friends and relatives will strip all bedding and curtains etc and wash them and by doing so removing any trace of evil spirits.

We had been advised by Ghee to try the local Garifuna tipple of Gifiti. A potent mixture of rum, herbs, roots and spices. It is supposedly great for all many of ailments. I thought it was foul, Pete thought it was wonderful, I think that he was given a different drink to me. My face says it all!

After all this fun and torture at certain points we headed back to Restaurante Agua Calientes or the hot springs restaurant. Wolfed down the breakfast option that did cause some confusion.

Rushed to the thermal pool. Easily found if we just followed the sulphuric odours.

It has to be one of the best things I have done. Concentrated on the experience not on photos. Invigorating!

Bleary eyed we made it to the bus upin time, just about. I had been tossing and turning. I had been very invested in a nightmare I was having in the night. I was sitting an RE exam and looked at the questions and had no idea how to answer them. I think I was still traumatised from the refried beans debacle.

The roads were busy already. We travelled in the dark for sometime, as if someone had flicked a switch it was suddenly light. Sunrise and sunset happen more quickly as it is nearer to the equator.

We had to travel four hours before we could stop for breakfast. The idea was we would sleep on the bus, as if!

The infrastructure in Guatemala is poor, lots of stopping and starting to avoid potholes. A bit like driving round Upperthorpe but on a bigger scale!

Arriving at our destination for breakfast, which is one of Ghee’s favourite restaurants. I am sure we will hear this a lot.

Always a comfort to see armed guards outside a restaurant. The gun was almost as big as the skinny teenager holding. Trying to exude a sense of Rambo, or similar cultural references, but failing miserably, looking just like a little boy with a big gun.

Guatemala has the highest crime rate in central America. It’s mostly extortion so we should be ok.

Ghee was right, the breakfast was very good and very big.

I

I had the healthier option if fruit, with the

accompanying eggs with chilli sauce. Certainly a winning combination. Pete’s looked so much better, french toast made from brioche.

As it was lighter I could see more along the way.

In what seemed like no time at all we had reached Hacienda Tijax, Rio Dulce. Ghee explained that it owned by an Italian man who had also bought the 500 acres of forest, as a way of kicking back at land being bought cheaply and turned into rubber plantations etc.

The hacienda is next to the river, many boats are moored here and in the surrounding area. Rich owners bringing them to dock to avoid the hurricane season in the Caribbean.

Walking to our accomodation it felt a little bit like the mangroves in Costa Rica.

I was joking as who would think there would be crocodiles so close to guests. However,later we did see a crocodile that was basking under a bridge. In fairness it was more scared of us, as it inched away from us.

Our little room is lovely, on stilts in the water, it feels like it is swaying slightly, which is relaxing.

We are the last hut before the marina.

There was a lot of deliberation as to what to do in the afternoon but in the end Pete went for a walk, not seeing the wealth of animal life that we experienced in Costa Rica. Then we went for a swim. Relaxing as we had the place to ourselves.

Later we got a boat to Rio Dulce for a meal. It was quite disappointing, it isn’t the easiest thing to be vegetarian here. Again Ghee took us to this brilliant place. The owner and staff all had guns in their back pockets. It is quite disconcerting and Ghee would not be drawn on it.

After the jaunt to the chocolate factory we walked through the plaza. A stark contrast from the night before. I wanted to see the famous or infamous fountain.

Fountain of the sirens. We have since been told it marks a time when a Spanish conquistador met a group of local women who had refused to breastfeed their babies. Appalled and angered he marched them to the plaza, strapping them to the trees with metal chain until they submitted and fed their babies. Thank god for men!

Opposite the park is the cathedral, damaged and rebuilt over the years due to successive earthquakes.

Food here is very cheap, portions are huge, probably catering for the American tourists, of which there are plenty. So we treated ourselves to a bit of lunch. There are plenty of places to try out here.

We had the place to ourselves. What we have noticed is WiFi passwords are very quirky here. This place was no exception as I had to type ‘fatndrunk’ into my phone. The previous night’s password was ‘I want more beer’. At least they are unforgettable.

We were due to meet our fellow travellers and tour guide later in the early evening, so enough time to visit the National Museum Of Guatemalan Art and a supermarket. The museum is housed in a magnificent building close to the plaza. Amazing art work spanning the centuries as well as spectacular views.

We saw some really impressive pieces, as well as the obligatory ostentatious religious art and artefacts.

I love going to supermarkets when we are abroad, perhaps I need to get out more but I find them utterly exciting. This supermarket was no exception, deceptively massive. There were many bargains, I was especially taken by a kilo of refried beans for the equivalent of £1.50.

There were wine samples to try but you had to pay for them, bonkers! But on the other hand so many of the products had free gifts attached to them, mostly things that incongruously had no connection to the products they were sellotaped to.

I saved our till receipt to share but put it somewhere safe, so safe that I will never see it again. The point I was going to make was how cheap everything seemed but of course not for the people who live here. It definitely felt like their version of Waitrose.

The orientation meeting was imminent. This is the part where I feel the fear but have to overcome it. Small talk with strangers! We were treated to hibiscus punch, an aromatic delight made from hibiscus flowers. Hibiscus has many advantages, lowering blood pressure, helping with weight loss and period pains.

With everyone assembled,our tour guide introduced himself to us. He seems really nice, with a disposition that screams that he has the perfect job and life. My name is Guy, he said, pronounced as Ghee, like clarified butter, he didn’t say that, that was me as I can’t think how to describe how be pronounced it other than referencing ghee.

There were a lot of names bandied about, including George, pronounced Gi o’er, sounding like Yorkshire dialect but actually from Switzerland. There’s it much you can do with my name, but I do recollect some Cameroonian friends insisted on calling me Tonna.

Let’s make this fun, boomed Ghee, speak to someone you don’t know and introduce them. We had a list of questions, their name, where they were from, what bit of the holiday they were looking forward to and finally their favourite fruit or vegetable. Sounds straightforward but for me it felt very tangibly like a real life nightmare situation.

Of course it didn’t go to plan. Ghee had already bagged mango so we had to choose something different. I was paired with Adrian, who was also from Switzerland. To be honest I think he was pretty mortified having to introduce me. Primarily because I had given a few bat shit crazy answers. Around the round me went, dutifully our fellow travellers introducing each other. We were second from last,which made the experience worse, as I realised my answers put me firmly in the ‘loony’ category. Each pair, would say things like, hi, this is Angelica, she loves pineapple or this is Gavin he adores mango too. Then to Adrien, this is Donna, her favourite fruit is refried beans. I think the others first impressions of me may have been tinged.

Ghee went through the itenarary, well practised and slick. We could do our own thing or join him for meals in the evening, he knew the best places.

With all this wrapped up, we followed him like oversized school children to his favourite restaurant. He is very enthusiastic!

This was black bean soup, yummy. Also I love the fact that chilli in various guises are dumped on the table. On to drinks, Pete and Gi o’er ordered Gallo, the national lager. It is the most consumed beer/lager in Guatemala.

Pete’s massive litre bottle next to Gi o’er’s, quite a discrepancy.

We had an early night as we had to be packed and on the bus by 4 in the morning. This was beginning to feel more like a boot camp. Guatemala City is the largest city in central America with the biggest transport issues. By heading off earlier we would avoid the traffic, even at that time of day we found it very busy.

Our room, comfortable but basic.

What a fantastic sleep. I can’t remember sleeping as well as that for ages, it felt like I was in an induced coma. This morning I managed to slice my thumb, it was a five plaster job. Between us in less than 24 hours we have managed to acquire a head injury (including smashed glasses), a heel bone bruise (from a spectacular slide across wet tiles) and finally a blister (from being too competitive). To be honest that isn’t necessarily bad going for us.

A leisurely coffee and a cinnamon and walnut rusk type biscuit and we were set up for the day. Fortuitously I had booked a chocolate making class in the UK in February. Booking directly was so much cheaper. My intention was a quiet activity which would ease us into the holiday.

We are definitely getting our bearings, which is lucky as at one point last night I certainly had murderous thoughts the more we went round in circles.

One incident last night which I managed to erase from my memory was passing a drunk man. Looking at me squarely as I passed, proceeding to vomit by my feet. Then he returned to drinking his can of beer!

The buses here are really ornate, I tried to get a photo, it failed but there is something to my mind quite artistic about this. The buses are known as ‘ chicken buses’ here because Guatemalans would use them to transport livestock. They are invariably bright, shiny, with loud music pounding out of them.

I am glad I don’t have a penchant for stilettos, the roads are all cobbled and hard enough with sandals. These original features as well as the architecture has earned Antigua UNESCO World Heritage Site recognition. The basic grid plan of the city also establishing it’s world heritage credentials, dating from the sixteenth century. Although not so basic that it was easily navigable last night.

When we travelled round Costa Rica if you looked above you in the towns there were masses of wires and cables, as if someone had thrown a giant plate of black spaghetti across the town. Because of the UNESCO status all cables are underground. Added to that, chains like Macdonald’s, Wendy’s etc can’t have their normal garish signposting, that definitely is a good thing.

Wandering to town we had time to spare so looked into the shop next to Chocomuseo. A delight of stuffed toys and other plastic paraphernalia.

Really hard to tell what I am thinking here. For once it was me who wanted my picture taken, but once in position I think perhaps I realised I looked as though I had ventured too closely to knobdom.

Having said that I was very taken by the jewel encrusted bobble hats, emblazoned with Jesus. Very tempting!

Truly a must for anyone’s wardrobe!

The chocolate class started promptly at 11 am. In all honesty I was beyond excited. There was a group of 12 of us, the anticipation was palpable. I was worried about my thumb, when we set off I had told Pete that it would be a case of blood and chocolate. Pete said it was the name of an album by Elvis Costello. Little did I know these words would come back to haunt me.

After the first preamble about chocolate we were given the task of producing our own chocolate bar. A range of toppings were distributed. I went completely over the top, no less is more with my design. On one side I carefully filled each square with different flavours, ground cardamom, cocoa nibs, chilli to name a few. Once the base was covered in a thick layer of chocolate I then proceeded to top with haribos, nuts and pretty much anything I could get my hands on!

Pete was far more restrained than me. In fact the other people in the group were more restrained than me.

We got to sample fresh cocoa beans, the white flesh, aromatic and juicy, not too dissimilar to mango. But biting into the seed was very bitter.

We were told that cacao was a very important commodity in ancient times, with the beans traded for goods. As well as chilli the Mayans also added blood. We were given a lot of detail. Such as the Mayans would take someone to sacrifice, slice them down their chests, tear out their hearts and finally they would squeeze the blood into their chocolate. The cacao pods they believed were shaped like hearts. A tradition which is no longer with us! The Mayans believed that cacao was consumed by the gods, which is why it was seems as so sacred.

Another thing we found out is that the male mosquitoes fertilise the cacoa tree. So

We got the opportunity to be quite hands on.

Pete being a real trooper and fighting through the pain of a blister. We had to grind the roasted seeds into a paste. She made it into a competition, the first person to succeed got a chocolate. We didn’t win!

This is the wrong way round, but too tired to jig everything round. We had to roast the beans for 10 minutes. Each person had to get up and talk about themselves for a minute whilst talking about themselves.

Then we had to de-shell them, saving the shells to make tea. It was so lovely!

I made typical hot chocolate for the group, which included the paste we had made, cardamom, cloves,chilli, sugar and milk. It was gorgeous. The more froth you create the luckier you will be – no pressure on my mixing skills!

I loved this poster they had on the wall, it kind of typifies life!

Tne two hours went very quickly! There was still much of the day ahead of us.